i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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