I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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