Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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