Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize