omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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