when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
