You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
