Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
