its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize