I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
