franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
