So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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