dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
