Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
