Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
