The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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