if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize