everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
