Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
