It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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