no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
no. you can't hotbox the world.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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