I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
