We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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