grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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