Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize