Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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