Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
