Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
