Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
