I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
