idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
