Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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