i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
