I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
