thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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