i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
