is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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