You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize