It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
