So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
