so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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