I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize