First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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