she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
