We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
