I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
FUCK WHALES
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
