I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
