I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
