Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
