im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
