In the future we'll all be gay
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
