Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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