i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize