He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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