whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
