Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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