Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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