You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
