Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Hippo gnu deer
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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