If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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