I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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