I'm really into asian looking animals
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
