I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
