I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
