I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize