got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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