I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
