Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
