ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
