he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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