too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
