He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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