party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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