just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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