she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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