I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
