Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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