Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
