I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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