Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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