I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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