i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
