rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Is it penis luge time yet?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
