I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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