weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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