She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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