everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
