my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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