There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
