this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
