So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
