I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
sex in a hospital.. check
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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