My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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