She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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