just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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