I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
