my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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