Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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