If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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