so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
