Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
